I spent a couple of hours with my son Daniel yesterday it was lovely to see him. Daniel and i have climbed many mountains with one another; he was the most adorable child and the easiest of babies a very loving little boy.As he grew from a little boy into a young man i felt he lost his way and kept anyone who loved him at arms length i found this so hard as a mother to accept.As he grew from a young man into an adult he would go months without seeing his family i found this even harder to accept.
He made decisions in his life that i could not understand and i would try to search for a reasoning as to why he was living that way.Now our dan is funny,he has a smile that can melt your heart and when he enters a room it can lift your heart but when he leaves you; you never know how long it will be until you next see him,so it feels like a goodbye.
Over the last two years daniel and i have been very honest with one another and he tells me; its just the way he is,he means no harm to anyone.Always tells me he loves me.
People cope with emotions in such different ways;some people choose not to get too close thinking they wont get hurt that way.Some become obsessive for fear of loved ones leaving them.
I am learning to accept my son for who he is and knowing that its not because he does not love us.
Some may say he is selfish,;yes i have thought that myself at times and i think at times he feels very guilty that he appears to behave this way.
I love him with all my heart and hold him in my prayers,sometimes you have to let people go in order for them to come back to you. I pray for this; Dan is my first born and my only son i will always have hope that one day he will want to come back to our family x