Wednesday, 21 December 2011

Calm Down,Keep Calm...

These are  scary words to a sensitive person,someone suffering anxiety,someone trying to put a mask on emotions.
I recieved a christmas card today, whom its from is not important as they are not the problem,remember the problem belongs to the person who is suffering, but inside it read in a hand written message that i know came with sincere affection," keep calm and thank the lord for everyday".
Its the word "calm " that told me my sender does not suffer with anxiety, a sensitive person would give anything to calm  her negative thinking pattern when its at its most sensitised state, maybe the only time she/he feels alittle calm is when the body and mind is exhausted of the sufferers thoughts.
People mean no harm, they cant tell how we are thinking and feeling, at times we try so hard to hide these feelings, for fear of people not understanding us.
Sufferers log dates,times,places,smells,a certain piece of music (as we all do) but a sufferer will dread and try to avoid these things if an emotion is attached to it. A non sufferer will allow themselves to feel that emotion, they may not like it, if, it reminds them of a difficult time but they will allow themselves a reaction,have a cry,say this makes me feel....
The sensitive person, Oh No! they will recoil and allow the waves of negativity to wash through them, like wave after wave of fear.
How does this suffering start? I do not know, was it when my lovely nan passed away? was it because my stepmothers heart was ice cold to me? Was it when one of my children fell off their bikes and grazed their knee? or was it that i was sensitive in my mamas womb? Maybe it was all these things and more that makes the bigger picture.
This kind of leaves you dwelling on the past, which inturn keeps you in fear of the future and then you miss the "Here and now" bit, which of course is today.
I enjoy all blogs i read but the one that captures a moment of comfort for me is " Morning Ramble", patty i feel works hard at keeping her life at such a simple pace, yes her life gets tested, but what i have noticed is that most of her photos are taken outside in all elements of weather, its that mother nature doing her magic.
So what do we say instead of keep calm? Simply " i hear you", you dont have to understand someones suffering to hear them.
For the first time due to a scary moment recently i am daring to question my anxious thinking, do i want to keep you? Does it have to be this way? Do i want to walk carrying dread and fear?The answer is simply NO! I am going at a snails pace that i can cope with for now, gently,gently as i go. x