Monday, 31 December 2012

open doors...

There has been times this year where i have been too anxious to put one foot infront of the other, but, thanks to the people that have loved me and supported me, we got through it.
My mum talks to me alot about gratitude, so as i sit here on my blog this evening waiting to welcome in the new year i give thanks;
 to my family for their love and patience
 to my friends for their support and laughter
 for the wonderful healthcare we have in this country
 for the food on my table and the roof over my head.
My goals for the new year, to dare to walk through the open door and enjoy all that is beautiful, to take my faith to another level and give more of myself to his loving ways.


Saturday, 29 December 2012

Christmas and some random pictures...

We had a quite christmas, we went out to a hotel for dinner, which, was very lovely.The atmosphere was very calm and welcoming, the food was equally delicious and then it was home to change in comfortable clothes and relax.
My mum flew out to florida to see members of her family, louie and i went to see her christmas eve day, i had good feelings that she was going to have a lovely holiday but what i did not realise was just how much i miss her!
My mum has been a rock to me this year, she has such positive and beautiful energy.
I did not pick the camera up this christmas, so here are some photos i took this year.
I love my dresser
fresh washing on the line makes my heart sing
my girl tucked up in her mama's bed
our garden in the summer
a lovely day down by the river
i love this photo of our dolly
my baby x

Tuesday, 18 December 2012

The Kitchen table...

Louie decided to put his paper work in order ready to submit to his accountant before the dreaded tax bill in january..
This meaning he has had paperwork covering the whole of the kitchen table all day, i decided to start my chores upstairs, changing the sheets on our bed's, cleaning the large family bathroom, tackling the extendable shower rod that keep's sliding off the tiles whenever one of us has a shower!!
Late morning two load's off washing have been done and hanging out to dry, more refill's of tea for louie still taking up residence at the much needed kitchen table, at one point i sat at the table with him and sipped my tea, not one word did we exchange.
I decided to bake a cake, out came the electric hand mixer, washing up as i went along, my hand's in hot soapy water, me thinking about the mass i went to yesterday at our catholic church, this in turn i thought about each one of my children.
This made me realise how quite our little home seem's, the only sound is louie muttering number's to himself in a quite tone. I quietly leave the house to have my fringe cut in the new hairdresser's we have in the village, next door i pop in our one and only shop, i must have been gone 20 minutes, no, he doe's not even realise i have gone.
I light the woodburner in the kitchen, this keeps us lovely and warm, it creates such a cosy feel, i put the christmas tree lights on and wonder what my children are doing.
The damp in our village seeps in at late afternoon, the secret is to get the stove lit before the damp comes or else you will spend the evening catching your tail!!!
Oh well i hear our dog whining, telling me he wants feeding, i am thinking tomorrow i would like to spend time in the garden, maybe, plant a rose bush, but for now i will make another cup of tea and steal a few pages from my book about a woman who lives in a village, raises her family until she starts empty nesting, her body aches from her labour's in her garden, she describes the season's and talk's about the damp in her village! My kinda gal x

Tuesday, 11 December 2012

Christmas card's...

I decided to not send christmas card's this year, i wanted to give the money i would have spent on cards and postage to charity. I have chosen two charities, save the children and Magpas (doctors who attend roadside accidents).
I must admit i have already recieved some lovely christmas card's and feel alittle guilty that my friends may not know my intention's regarding christmas cards this year.
There are always those that are more needy than ourselves. x

Sunday, 21 October 2012

just being cosy...

A few pictures on this sunday afternoon, we have lit the woodburner, i have a nice smelling candle burning and a lamb stew in the oven!
A cosy corner to sit in,
Lamb stew for tea
This candle smells lovely x

Friday, 19 October 2012

I have walked our dog!!!

Its been a long week, our Zoe has felt poorly this week, so, i have been going to her house everyday, we have road works on route to zoe's so the journey has taken twice as long!
This afternoon i decided to walk our dog, just as i put my coat on it started to rain, i love the rain so i grabbed my camera and set off down the lane.
We have had to muzzle Wizard, he is a wonderful guard dog but lately he has been aggressive to other dog's.

We took shelter from the rain under the trees,
It felt good to have my wellies on again, it has been such a long time since i walked Wizard on my own.
There was a mist over the field's.
Last sunday evening there was a beautiful rainbow over our village, i quickly ran in the house and grabbed the camera, when i see rainbow's i always think of God's promise. x

Friday, 12 October 2012

It's my dads birthday...

Today is my dad's birthday, he is 72!
The photo above is of him and i, i think i am about two years old.
Wishing my dad a lovely day x

Wednesday, 10 October 2012

More photos...

I found more photos of my girls when they were younger, i just had to share them!
The photo below is of my two big girls, Zoe and Jade, they look like little street urchins (in the nicest sense of the word)
What beautiful young women they have become
How our girls loved their conkering.
I have to leave the scanner alone now and get back to picking the camera up, i went on a three mile walk monday and did not take the camera! x

Tuesday, 9 October 2012

Our new printer...

I have bought a new printer and a shredder, the printer is much needed for when i do louies paper work and for milly when she does her course work. The printer can do more than i know, but milly did show me how to scan a photo, WOW this has opened a can of worms for me as i can share pictures with our family and friends.
I found this lovely photo of louie and i, we were invited to a 40th birthday party,on the invitation it stated dress code black tie.
I remember going with louie to get measured for his suit and i bought a ball dress,i can still remember how exciting it all felt, this photo was taken as we left the house ( i think my mum took it as i recall her telling me i reminded her of her mum)'
Louie looked so handsome, i could not take my eye's off him all evening!!!!!!!!!!!

Another photo of our jade and milly at christmas time
We still have milly's tricycle!!
Tonight i am going to organize our photo's. x

Friday, 28 September 2012

Amish Proverbs

                                         ~ Nothing is all wrong:even a clock that has
                                          stopped running is right twice a day ~

Wednesday, 26 September 2012

Tasks achieved ...

I managed to get done my tasks i set for myself today, my kitchen sink this morning after dishes were washed, i admit i left some dishes from last night as dinner was late and i had run out of steam, never mind i soon had it clean and shining.
I put two loads of laundry in the wash and managed to get them line dried before the rain came!
I set about painting the skirting board in the main bathroom, it only took me an hour, really i should have done this awhile ago. Our main bathroom is a grey/white colour, it looks abit stark in the photo but in time when i add accessories i will put more colour into it, i just love this bathroom.
Talking of bathrooms we needed a shelving unit for our ensuite to hold towels etc etc, i managed to find one for £7.50, it needed a good scrub as it was dirty but look at it now!!
My mum will be so proud of me, i have actually learnt how to fold towels properly so they sit nicely, this is thanks to my fellow blogger Katy (, i cannot stop folding now, flannels, tea towels, dish clothes! A closer look,
Our flannels are in the little white basket.
Yesterday while buying storage box's i bought these brillant plastic baskets, they come in a pack of three, i am using one of them to keep cleaning products for the bathrooms,
I am thankful for another productive day, i wont lie there was a couple of times i had to talk myself to get going, i am just thankful for another day with tasks in hand and no anxiety.x

Day 4...

This morning is day 4 without taking my antidepressants, last night was the first time i slept without taking an olanzapine (this is a tablet that helps you sleep). I slept through the night, but, tonight i shall take one as i think withdrawel from these one's should be done slowly, as i want to achieve my goals. So far i have been grateful that the tasks i have set myself i have been able to achieve.
I am truly taking each day at a time, but what keeps me strong is that i know in my mind that i do not want to take these tablets, i know i am ready to let them go, there is no fear attached with this, unlike past efforts.
I am thankful that i have the support of my doctor and my family.
This morning i shall make myself a cup of real coffee (  i only allow myself 1 cup a day), wash the breakfast dishes, put some laundry in the washing machine, later i hope to  paint my skirting board in the bathroom.
I will show pictures later today, i will ask God for strength as i go through my day, my life is very simple at the moment, it really goes from hour to hour.
I miss my mum, she gives me such strength and the wisest of words,but right now my sister needs her, they are on holiday in Italy, my sister was poorly before she went, suffering with exhaustion, hopfully she will come back rested.
I will update later, wishing you a lovely day x

Tuesday, 25 September 2012

Our little man...

I just wanted to write a quick post before i get ready for bed, thankfully i had a productive day, i had a lovely visit with zoe this morning.
I then went and bought some storage box's, we have a trunk full of photo's that need putting into storage as i need the space in the trunk for louies paper work.
I came home and made a sausage stew, i needed to make dinner early in the day as i could re-heat it this evening.
This evening was our lou lou man's naming ceremony at his school, we had to arrive at the school at 6pm which is normally meal time in our house.
Lou lou man is now in school all day, this is a picture of him in his school uniform,he looks so grown up.
Lou lou man waited his turn to light his candle and be accepted by the light of God in his school name.
Look at the concentration on his face, his mama was so emotional.
All the candles lit for the new children starting their school was beautiful x

Happy Birthday...

Today is our Zoe's birthday, she came into the world 28 years ago weighing 5lb 15oz!
She is a lovely person and like her sister's a wonderful daughter, we have been blessed.
Zoe also celebrates  one year today of sobriety, her nan has got her the AA token, zoe was not a big drinker but the problem was if she only had one drink it would make her feel ill for day's.
I so admire her to make this decision, she call's it a glass of poison. Her feelings are so strong to what alcohol is doing to so many, she would not even have a glass of wine with a meal.
Zoe is a wonderful mum, she is bringing her two babies up under the guidence of her catholic faith, the picture above is of zoe and lou lou man, he adores his mama!!
Well time to finish my coffee and run, i want to see zoe this morning before she goes to work, wishing you all a lovely day x

Monday, 24 September 2012

I know i do not normally write my blog twice in one day, but, i am kind of using my blog as abit of a journal at the moment.
This morning once breakfast dishes were cleared away i set about making louie a pear cake.
I needed to rearrange my bedroom in places to give me a touch more space, we needed a shelfing unit for our ensuite,so, i got showered and made a trip to the second hand shop.
I found this lovely wooden unit, it needed a good wash but was perfect to hold our towels and toiletries.
On my way home i called by the supermarket to get some food shopping, i felt alittle nervous but just told myself to concentrate on what i needed and head for home.
The pear cake was a success, dinner was peri peri chicken with creamed potatoes and green beans.
I am thankful that i acheived what i wanted to do, tomorrow is our Zoe's birthday, she will be 28!!!!!!!
My mum and my sister are on holiday in Italy, i am missing them.
I am ready for my comfy bed, good night x

and so i write...

It's 9.00 am this morning, i sit here with my cup of coffee, i have seen louie off to work, put my Beethoven piano music on( a present from my thoughtful sister).
Over the year's i have become a very private person, sometimes this has been a hinderance to me, other times it is a true blessing.
Over the last ten years i have suffered from anxiety, i have wrote about this from time to time, i have tried many antidepressants. Sometimes they have helped but i have often wondered given the side effects they give you if its replacing one set of emotions for another.
Last year after being diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer my doctor put me on Mirtazapine 30 mg and olanzapine 5mg, 1 of each to be taken nightly.
I recently had an appointment with a consultant who deals with just medication, he was a funny old soul, he looked more like a farmer than a doctor, he was very outspoken using the minimum of words.  He told me i was not suffering from depression and years of using antidepressants was causing my nervousness.
I have given much thought about this, spoke with louie and my doctor and we have all agreed that coming off medication slowly, will, give me a true reading of myself.
I have decided with my doctor to do this slowly, i am going to also do this with the help of a diazepam when needed. I know these can become addicted for some people but my doctor has given me a capped dose daily if i should need them.
I also know i may have testing days, some days may have to be hour by hour and i am also feeling i am taking abit of a risk going public about this.
As i write now i have nearly 48 hours without a mirtazapine in my body.
I will pray that the good lord gives me strength on this journey and i would be gratefull for peoples prayers.
Please if anyone reading my blog has been or going on a similiar journey i would appreciate any words of wisdom. Thank you so much to those that read my blog. x

Tuesday, 18 September 2012

I have just found granola!
Apple crumble for tea
my station in the kitchen
i do not have much to say today so i thought i would say it with pictures x

Monday, 17 September 2012

Luke 6.37
Do not judge,and you will not be judged; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned.Forgive, and you will be forgiven; give,and it will be given to you.A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap; for the measure you give will be the measure you get back.

Wednesday, 12 September 2012

An evening at home...

I had a lovely day with our Jade, we went shopping i bought a few things for the house. I am trying to put in the finishing touches on a shoe string, we needed two lamp shades for the sitting area in the kitchen.I bought these today, they are plastic jewels but hanging up you would never know!
I lit the stove this afternoon as it got alittle chilly,
Slowly our room is coming together,its starting to feel cosy.This is our snug this evening.
From another angle,
I still need to hang pictures on the wall, this room has taken so long to become comfortable but we are getting there x

Tuesday, 11 September 2012

Random photo's...

Some random photo's of people i love...
I took this photo on the day our grandson was born, our lou lou man.
Our Eva
My lovlies
my dad
Our milly
Our jade with ian x