I keep making small changes to my blog design, slowly slowly i am creating the look i want it to be, homely,funny,honest, when people pass by i want them to see something that makes them feel they want to stay awhile and have a read.
Life feels like that at the moment, i am in myself also making changes, slowly. I welcome the changes i am making, the hardest part is trying not to hurt anyone with my honesty.
Sometimes we let people assume,take you for granted that you will always put up with another's behavoir when its hurting our feelings.
When people manipulate us and then call it love, you walk away thinking "i know this is not love" by the way it makes you feel.
I guess i am learning about self worth, knowing i deserve to be treat in an honest decent manner, as we all do.
I am only just starting to try to unravel years of manipulation as a child in which i was told was love. I am also working on the here and now, working at letting go of situations i cannot change and are not mine to carry, working at stop fearing the future and enjoy today.
Ok a small change i know but here it is, HAIR, i have always always wanted long hair, i look after my hair,i use nice gentle products but i keep it short.
WHY? As a child it was a punishment to cut my hair, i mean sometimes homemade short short, so growing up with no self worth it never occurred to me i could grow it long! Now i am thinking, should women of a certain age have their hair long?
See how i have been taught how i do not deserve long hair! Well here goes i am going for it, i am going to give it ago and grow my hair long, the girl is making changes!!!!!
After my operation in november i was left with two scars, one in the crease of my armpit and another on the edge of my breast, both about 3" long, i was advised by the hospital to keep them moisturised daily, i have a routine now where i moisturise morning and evening with a good cream, i never miss a day, 3 months on, these scars are shrinking before my eyes and the skin feels so soft, what is this teaching me? To look after myself, if i do this i will heal, i am getting the message slowly.
Its learning to take care of yourself. x