Yesterday i went to see my counselor D.H, it kinda always turns out that we never talk about what i set out to discuss. Yesterday went that same way, i felt very emotional afterwards but i realised alot about why i feel the way i do about certain people and some situations i find myself in sometimes.
I left D.H with jaw dropping realization of how my thoughts and thinking patterns work, i had jelly legs walking back to the car, trying not to think to much until i got to safe ground, home, and then go over what i had just learnt about myself. I knew there was a cry stuck in my throat but the tears would not come, i was not ready.
I called my mum early afternoon, i always want to talk to her after i have seen D.H, i called, no answer, the relief when i heard louie put his key in the door, but the tears would still not come.
I rang my mum early evening, told her about my time with D.H and how i felt, tears came streaming down my face and i could taste their saltiness on my lips and then at last came my cry, my mum listened and i told her my fears and then what did she do?
She gave me a one liner that only i guess a mama could say and i BURST into laughter!
"you liked that one,didn't you" she replied, Oh! only a mum could do that! I was still laughing to myself today!
This morning i went to the garden centre, bought my wild flower seed, came home and potted about in the garden. I walked to the bottom of our garden and saw mother nature had called by, for there was a large patch of snowdrops which i have never planted, maybe the previous owner had, but we have lived here for five years.
The snowdrops lifted me in only a way nature can.
I felt alittle tired today, if i am honest a little fretful but i know this is what change feels like before it becomes normal.x