Friday, 20 April 2012

Taking time out...

I woke at 5am this morning, the sun was just starting to come up. I have decided i am going to take a few days out from blogging, This week i have started to take a tablet to help with my anxiety, they are nothing heavy but can make you feel alittle anxious before they kick in. This is not everyones choice but i feel i need a helping hand. Some people comfort eat, some drink alcohol others use recreation drugs to help there anxieties.
There is still abit of work to be done to our home before we can think about selling it, if that be what we choose to do. I have decided to pace myself and give myself an extra job a day, does not matter how small or big but give time to the re-decorating of the house, hopefully this will also take my mind of things.
I enjoy my blogging but it does steal time. I am going to try to make little changes to my daily routine, sometimes this helps, change can sometimes be a good thing.
So, it all starts now as i am about to start peeling wall paper off the walls!
Wishing you all a lovely weekend x

Tuesday, 17 April 2012

Discipline...

I listened to a christain sermon this morning, i have found this on audio player.
Then shortly afterwards i read katy's blog The country blossom, they both featured motherhood, this afternoon i listened to a sermon on the discipline of children.
My children are adults now and yes i am guilty of having slapped their leg at least once, i also slapped my eldest daughters face when she was a teenager, my heart still hurts when i think of this, Zoe say's she deserved it, but ofcourse she did not, yes she was driving me in that moment to the edge of madness but i should never have laid my hand to her.
As a child i was regulary hit around the head, my stepmother found motherhood very difficult, she was uncomfortable with any feeling that was of affection.
I was a good kid, i learnt at a young age not to rock the boat, i went to a church of England junior school which is where i found my faith, yet it was the years at this school that i was physically hit the most...always around the head.
I always remember feeling extreme embarrassment afterwards, waiting for a burning red mark on the face to cool down, the look on my stepmothers face while she was out of control for that moment, the anger of her words through gritted teeth. Once this was over she would always finish with pointing her finger in my face and tell me what a terrible child i was, her teeth still gritted, which, would tell me go easy your not out the woods yet, anything can happen.
When she would walk away from me i would stay in my room for hours, knowing its not safe until she calmed down and then there would be hours of silence.
Am i a wiser mother through this, most certainly not, i was always going to be a loving mother as love has always been in my heart, i always expected my children to behave and follow any chore i asked of them, which they did. I always spoke to my children with kindness and came down to their level, the kitchen table was always so important for this.I praised them but never spoilt them and above all we were honest even when it was hard to listen.
I did not have to be beaten to make a loving mother from me, i am now 48 yrs of age, i suffer at times with anxiety attacks, later in the year i will start therapy to help me come to terms with this abuse. My stepmother denies that she ever behaved in this manner, thats a difficult one for me.
I do not have all the answers but what i do know, to discipline a child with the human hand is not the answer, i believe it can be soul destroying for that child and they carry the scars forever.
You hear people say, a smack on the backside did me no harm, oh yes it did because you still remember it.
These are only my views, i do not mean to sound like i am preaching. x

Monday, 16 April 2012

Tasha Tudor...

Saturday my book of Tasha Tudor arrived along with my new bible.
I was so excited with both of them, i sat down and started gently flicking through the pages of Tasha Tudor's delightful pages, i was hooked, then i started to read it and by saturday evening i had read it all! I did not know if i should laugh or cry, it was beautiful, i kept thinking i should have saved a few pages for the next day but i just could not put it down!
I was equally pleased with my bible, everything is a lot easier to read, i am still amazed how God made woman with one of Adams ribs, i know i should of known this, but reading the story again was like being a child and reading Gods word for the first time.
Some pictures of this charming ladies world;
She liked to walk barefoot,
Such a beautiful book, i can not wait to order another one about this unique lady.

Friday, 13 April 2012

Fruit trees...

My mum and i went to the garden centre today, we were looking for two fruit trees for my sisters garden.We chose her an apple tree and greengage, we also bought ourselves some plants. I bought a Refus tree from the bargain corner, i always try to give a plant or a tree a good home.
Jade is still poorly, she went back to the doctors today, they think she has laryngitis, they tell her she will get worse before she gets better and she is to try and save her voice as much as she can.
My mum at the check out.
We went home to plant my sisters trees, a lovely day x

Thursday, 12 April 2012

Update on my day...

Poor jade was sent home from work this morning, her doctors would not give her an appointment today, she forgot to inform them that two years ago she had glandular fever.
I called the doctors myself, gave jades history of this throat virus, they kindly saw her at miday. Swabs were taken and she has to go back to see her doctor tomorrow, in the mean time, lots of rest and pain relief.
She looks a poorly girl.
So tomorrow i will have to take my mum to the garden centre in my dusty car, we are buying trees so it probably wont matter! x

Another beautiful spring day...

I decided to write my blog in the morning today, i have washed breakfast dishes, put a load of laundry in the washing machine, i need to clean my car today at some point. Its a bit of a working vehicle rather than a family car, but i am taking my mum to the garden centre tomorrow so i feel i must make the effort.
I am still waiting for my tasha tudor book to arrive, it seems like its taking forever, maybe its just me looking forward to it so much.
Zoe and jade are not feeling well at the moment, jade sounds like she has tonsilities (hope i have spelt that correct), jade has gone into work but i think she should have took the day off and rested.
I am now going to make beds and read my bible for awhile before i start more household chores, most days i have the day all to myself, it sometimes gets lonely but i love being at home, as i get older i have become more of a home bird.
Well i will write again later, wishing all that pass by my blog a lovely day x

Wednesday, 11 April 2012

Homemade bread...

This is my homemade loaf i made this morning, i was so pleased with it and it tasted good. I read somewhere, while kneading your bread, you are suppose to say a prayer, i did.
I had louie home with me today, we went and got more paint for the bedroom, its still on going as i am going at a snails pace!!
Tomorrow i am spending the day with zoe and grandchildren, its back to school for them on monday.
I read my bible today, it was the story of Abraham, i am finding the bible so comforting, i am also amazed just how much knowledge our zoe has of the bible, i can not take any credit of this as her mum. My grandchildren are catholic and go to catholic schools, our eva has a wonderful understanding of her faith, thanks to zoe.
Eva once asked me "what is the worlds favourite colour?" i said blue, yes she said, i asked her "is it because its the colour of the sky and ocean?" NO! nannie, its because its the colour of mother marys dress! What a beautiful child. x

Tuesday, 10 April 2012

He gave us stars,so we could see in the dark...

I have been finding reading my bible difficult, understanding the language at times, i spoke with my reverand who kindly allowed me to borrow one of the bibles from my church.
This is so much easier to understand and you do not loose the reality of it all.
I read today how after God seperated dark from light, he, put stars in the dark so we could see, i had to put my bible down and give a sigh, how beautiful.
Today i cut my grass for the first time since we sowed our lawn, i have waited four years to have a lawn!
We also have the plumber coming soon to plumb in our shower, again its been nearly five years since we could wake in the morning and take our sleepy selfs to a shower, what a way to start your day.
Tomorrow morning i am going to make homemade bread, i went through a stage where i baked my own bread most days, i want to go back to this.
I have felt of late that i have lost the structure in my day, i have let my routine slip alittle, i need to work on this.
I planted my holyhocks today, i hope to buy a wisteria this week when i go to the garden centre with my mum on friday.x

Sunday, 8 April 2012

Easter Sunday...

This morning i went to Easter sunday service, our reverand Christine, told the story of Easter sunday, how mary magdalene found the tomb open and when she looked in, it was empty, how must she have felt? after she had alerted the disciples, they came to see for themselves,then, left for home leaving mary magdalene at the tomb heartbroken, jesus appeared, asking her why she was crying, she did not recognise him, thinking he was the gardener!
Our reverand has away of telling a story, i looked around our little church, it was a full house, of all ages. We were silent while the story was being told, christine does Gods work with such emotion and understanding.
At the end of service, holy communion was held, as i knelt before her, i looked up to her and her smile was heart warming, kindness in a smile is a wonderful act.
I felt so lifted after leaving our humble little church, there has been a church of some kind on this site for a thousand years, part of the church today, dates back to normandy times.
Louie and i went for our meal this afternoon. the food was the best i have had in a long time.
We were kind of hijacked by this funny older couple that live in our village, they are so funny, i do not think they know how they come across to people, they are like a comedy act. I enjoy their company, sweet kind people. x

Saturday, 7 April 2012

Funny old day...

After baths and pancakes for breakfast Eva and Lou lou man headed out to the trampolene,they seemed to love it.
Lou lou man climbs on board, he wants to jump up high to show his mama what he can do!
Then Zoe climbed aboard,
The weather has changed, today was cold and grey. After zoe and grandchildren left for home, i got a little tearful, i think its my age, i have become a more delicate ole flower. 
The weather also helps your mood, i love being in the garden, i have more hollyhocks ready for planting, windows to be cleaned...i love cleaning windows.
Louie and i were suppose to go for a meal this evening but we have now changed this to tomorrow afternoon.
I will go to church in the morning and have a lazy day tomorrow, hopefully plant those hollyhocks. x

Friday, 6 April 2012

Easter friday at our house...

Louie and i started our day with putting the trampolene up for our grandchildren. We were doing ok, found all the pieces, then realised we had left the instructions out in the rain! We gently tried to open the pages without them falling apart.
Louie putting the finishing touches.
Milly and lou lou man, they are almost purring, they love each other so much.

Milly tells us lou lou man is her most favourite person in the world!


We had roast lamb for dinner, zoe's favourite, then everyone felt lazy,
I love the fact they love nannies house,
Our lovely eva,
We have had a lovely day, Eva wants to go on the trampolene in her p.js first thing in the morning! x

Wednesday, 4 April 2012

The rain came...

We had some rain in the night, much needed, i am sitting here with the wind howling down the woodburner, giving me warmth in my quite kitchen.
I rushed around this morning, after breakfast i spoke with my mum on the phone, then headed off to the shop and changed my skirt for a larger size! Then on to Aldi's to do some food shop, when i arrived home i thought i would rush around the kitchen, mop the floor and then set about making louie a curry for tea. Then i stopped, downed tools, i went upstairs into my bedroom and read my bible for awhile.
This helped so much, this afternoon, i have mopped the floor, made a curry and got the home lovely and warm for louie when he comes home.
Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith.
A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband; but she that maketh ashamed is as rotteness in his bones.
I do not know if i am louies crown, i just know i want to do my best by this lovely man. x

Tuesday, 3 April 2012

Comforting words...

Suffering with anxiety, i sometimes become fretful, a small thought can go over and over in my mind and can get out of all understanding.Sometimes i can remember something that happened that unerved me, sometimes people can make me feel alittle uneasy, its all about keeping yourself safe. That can be difficult at times because if the tiny seed of anxiety has spiralled out of countrol it can be difficult to pull the reins in and get yourself grounded again.
This afternoon i read a passage in an Amish book, the verse is from the bible, such comforting words in times of doubt and anxiety.
Philippians,chapter 4,verse 8;"Finally,brethen, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."
How very true.
We all get scared at times, sometimes we do not always know why, its knowing to remember that we are never alone, God is with us at all times. Thinking good thoughts is the medicine to fear. x

We need some rain...

I have been out most of the day, louie is taking me out for a meal at the weekend, this morning he gave me some money to buy something new to wear, its been ages since i went clothes shopping for myself, to be honest i felt like i had come down from the mountains into civilization, it was alittle overwhelming! I bought a skirt, tried it on when i came home, its a touch to small,so, i will go back tomorrow and change it.
I then called by zoe's before i came home.
I have just got back from walking wizard, i took my camera with me, spring is in the lane but the ground is so dry, we need rain.
The blossom is out on the Hawthorn bushes,
I tried to get wizard to pose, but i knew he could sense something,

He always lets me know when we are not alone on the fields,
Time to head for home, past the horses,
The farmers crops in his field look like they need some rain. x

Monday, 2 April 2012

Monday laundry...

Feeling alittle flat today, i now know i have caught the last bit of virus that louie has had all last week, i did not go to the church service last night as i was sneezing and spluttering, i did not feel it would have been fair on others, so i went to bed early.
I do not feel so unwell that i should not do any household chores, i have cleaned the house and finished my ironing, this afternoon i will spend time reading.
I have filled the tea towel basket and dish cloth basket,
I love clean dish cloths,
This is my station,
I listen to music from my laptop, i am sorry this is not a very exciting blog today, i do not know why i think someone would want to see my ironing pile! Ha! x

Sunday, 1 April 2012

Spring blossom...

Another beautiful day, we have two plum trees and the blossom has come out, i could not resist taking pictures today.
They are both victoria plum trees,
Lovely blossom.
Our clematis is about to bloom, these flowers never look up but they are so beautiful,

Louie setting his rodent traps, i keep telling him, this little village we live in is beautiful, i am sure the rodents love living here as much as we do!
 He set three yesterday and all three were occupied this morning,
I have louies work shirts to iron, while, i listen to music from Katy's blog, The country blossom.
I cooked a ham in marmalade syrup which we will have with baked potatoes and salad, our kitchen smells mouth watering lovely.
I am going to a Taize service tonight, its held by candle light, an hour of reflection with gentle string music.
On with the ironing, have a lovely palms sunday. x