Tuesday, 17 April 2012

Discipline...

I listened to a christain sermon this morning, i have found this on audio player.
Then shortly afterwards i read katy's blog The country blossom, they both featured motherhood, this afternoon i listened to a sermon on the discipline of children.
My children are adults now and yes i am guilty of having slapped their leg at least once, i also slapped my eldest daughters face when she was a teenager, my heart still hurts when i think of this, Zoe say's she deserved it, but ofcourse she did not, yes she was driving me in that moment to the edge of madness but i should never have laid my hand to her.
As a child i was regulary hit around the head, my stepmother found motherhood very difficult, she was uncomfortable with any feeling that was of affection.
I was a good kid, i learnt at a young age not to rock the boat, i went to a church of England junior school which is where i found my faith, yet it was the years at this school that i was physically hit the most...always around the head.
I always remember feeling extreme embarrassment afterwards, waiting for a burning red mark on the face to cool down, the look on my stepmothers face while she was out of control for that moment, the anger of her words through gritted teeth. Once this was over she would always finish with pointing her finger in my face and tell me what a terrible child i was, her teeth still gritted, which, would tell me go easy your not out the woods yet, anything can happen.
When she would walk away from me i would stay in my room for hours, knowing its not safe until she calmed down and then there would be hours of silence.
Am i a wiser mother through this, most certainly not, i was always going to be a loving mother as love has always been in my heart, i always expected my children to behave and follow any chore i asked of them, which they did. I always spoke to my children with kindness and came down to their level, the kitchen table was always so important for this.I praised them but never spoilt them and above all we were honest even when it was hard to listen.
I did not have to be beaten to make a loving mother from me, i am now 48 yrs of age, i suffer at times with anxiety attacks, later in the year i will start therapy to help me come to terms with this abuse. My stepmother denies that she ever behaved in this manner, thats a difficult one for me.
I do not have all the answers but what i do know, to discipline a child with the human hand is not the answer, i believe it can be soul destroying for that child and they carry the scars forever.
You hear people say, a smack on the backside did me no harm, oh yes it did because you still remember it.
These are only my views, i do not mean to sound like i am preaching. x

2 comments:

  1. Thank you for visiting my blog!! I know what you mean about your upbringing. It seems we all have some bad memories. I'm so sorry for all you went through and continue to go through. I pray the new medicine will help you!! Have a BLESSED DAY!!!

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  2. I know that kind of feeling... My mom always denied bad treatments my dad inflicted upon me, when she was THERE and saw it all. It is her way of protecting herself. Now I'm an adult, have a happy family and have gone through therapy and Emotional Freedom Technique and sophrology to get over it all. And it worked. So I am wholeheartedly with you and hope you will get there too, and one day the thought of your stepmother will not cause any more emotions.

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