My sister came over this afternoon, we spent a couple of hours talking, well my sister was talking and i was crying alot of the time.You see we were seperated at a young age, i was just under two and my sister was under five. We met once in our childhood for a brief moment and then the next time was when i was 14 years old. Though we were seperated at a young age, our bond with one another was already sealed.
Today was very emotional for me as i am working at accepting my emotions and learning to understand why life sometimes takes a twist and a turn, why people behave in some ways. My sister let me have my cry, she understood me, gave me honesty in such a kind way that i could understand, filled in missing gaps and shared her thoughts with me. I am tired now but have learnt alittle about myself and why i sometimes feel fretful, she explained what "seperation disorder" means and i felt all of that!
I sat looking at her while she was talking, thinking, how pretty she is, her style of clothes that suit her,her hair and how she uses her hands when talking.
Now please dont think this is the ugly sister syndrome talking here, what i am saying is that i realise how much i have lost myself in anxiety over the last couple of years. I have made trying to avoid negative thinking my main concern for such a time that i have lost all confidence in myself.
I have been blind to my own needs.
This must change, i want this to change. I am learning x