Tuesday, 7 February 2012

There are many of us...

I have just looked at my page views, this indicates that most people have read my blog when i have written about my anxieties.
This maybe a coincidence and i am sure there will be a few that suffer with anxiety.
As an anxiety sufferer i know how fearful it can be, to dare to read about anxiety, you see, you are already running scared and to read something negative however small just adds to your fretful feelings.
I WILL NEVER WRITE NEGATIVE ABOUT ANXIETY so if anyone is reading my blog because they also suffer please be reassured nothing i write will have you running away.
At times i can only read the most gentle of words, at times i have to chose carefully the subject of conversations i have with people.
At times i have to becareful what i watch on T.V and i never read newspapers, does this hinder me? No, i read and watch what interests me.
I know what it feels like to suffer in silence and the lengths people go to,to, appear normal to the outside world.
We are normal, we are just alittle more sensitive than most. Tell someone, almost impossible as you cant find the words and you do not always know why you cannot walk to the washing line, answer the phone and opening a letter can be scary!
Driving,now, that seems a biggy, only taking the route you know to get from a to b and this at times can be the longest route but its familiar.
Change is unthinkable at times, where do you start because everything can seem foggy.
I have suffered for a long time and then i had a health scare that terrified me beyond words, it was then that i asked for help and told my family the truth about how i sometimes feel. Yes i am taking a tablet everyday to help stop a thousand thoughts running through my mind over and over, yes i am having counselling and at times not making a great deal of sense as to why i am talking about a certain thought.
Yes i am taking longer to do my daily chores but they still get done, yes i am slowly growing stronger but my life has to go at a pace that i can cope with, its my life, i can only do this my way, its not to be judged by anyone.
YES i can make it to the washing line today,answer the phone and open letters!!!!
Hopfully next week i can go and have lunch with my mum and sister.
I am learning at my own pace. x

I am just taking my time...

I am making our Eva a skirt with pieces of vintage material i need to use up, its a simple design, 3 tiers and an elastic waist, Eva tells me elastic waisted skirts are her favourite as they do not hurt her tummy!
I lost my mojo for sewing over the last three months, at one point i told daughter Zoe that i was not going to sew again, she said "you will".
I am taking my time with this project, i use to always be rushing and sometimes setting goals that were difficult to achieve in the time i allowed for something to be done. This is something i am working on, to change down a gear and take my time in what i do. Getting back to our Eva's skirt,
1st Layer, with an edging,

2nd layer, i have chose a light green gingham for the third layer. x

This mornings sunshine...

I have just put my washing on the line, this mornings sunshine looked beautiful, had to share the moment! x
The land at the bottom of our garden