Sunday, 12 August 2012

Becareful what you wish for...

When the children were young i use to dream of one day living in a home that i owned, large farmhouse type kitchen(by this i mean homely), a large garden, maybe an apple tree or two. A woodburner to keep us warm and cosy. Fields near by, to be surrounded by alittle nature, to live in a safe area where there is not alot of traffic passing by.
To make my house a home,where my family can feel loved and not want to leave.
I spent today cutting our grass, it takes me a good couple of hours,maybe alittle longer when the sun is hot.
I also wished for a long clothes line to hang my families laundry,
Now through the gate to cut the grass on our land at the bottom of the garden where we have two apple trees, a plum tree and a cherry tree
Where have the children gone?
The grass finally cut,
Our apple tree that gives us the best cooking apples i have ever eaten!
Louie makes me a new doorstep,
Louie worked all weekend and laid slabs down the side of the house.
We have empty nested, our milly is living with our zoe in town for lots of reasons, which i understand all of them. I want my children to fly, live their lives and be honest to themselves in all that they do.
Now the house is quite, only louies work jeans hang on the long washing line on a sunday morning, the garden is empty.
I have to adjust, is it now i start to learn who i really am?
I want to sell the house but do i really?
I envy every mother who falls into her bed tonight tired of the needs her children have given her through their day, i envy her morning when they creep in her bed early in the morning for a cuddle before their day starts.
I know in time i will adjust,when the kids were young and in my care i loved every wonderful moment they gave me and am thankful for them. x