Sunday, 10 February 2013

Anticipation or Fear?

When we moved into our house six years ago, the plan was to get the house up and running in a condition that we could rent a room to a student from the language school in the village.
This would be a nice little bit of extra income and i would feel like i was contributing towards anything we needed.
We have had the room ready for sometime but i just lost my nerve, for awhile now i have felt very anxious over the smallest thing, i often get tearful and sometimes seek reassurance from my loved ones. Then one day a few weeks ago the lady from the language school rang me to ask if i would take    an italian  young lady, for, four weeks. With no excuse to offer i accepted, i cannot tell you how anxious i have felt these last couple of weeks, everyday i was thinking i would cancel this arrangement, everyday i felt panicky, i lost confidence about my abillities to keep a clean home and my cooking.
In this time my doctor suggests i have a blood tests to see what my hormones are up to, friday it was confirmed i am in the menopause, today our student arrived, she immediately felt comfortable in our home, what a relief.
Fear has gripped me so much these last few weeks, anticipation i constantly battled with when the demons were never real, what a powerful emotion fear can be and how it tricks you to believing you cannot cope.
Now i know i am in the menopause emotions seem to make sense.
Today i cooked a lovely roast lamb dinner with homemade bread and butter pudding, our student Gaia is comfortable in her room.
I thank all my family for their support but the biggest heartfelt thank you i give to my daughter milly for giving me her strength and her constant loving words.
I have no pictures of today but i am smiling as i write this post. x

1 comment:

  1. glad your new lodger has settled in well. You will probably really enjoy her being there in the end! and want another when she leaves! good luck, Heather x