Wednesday, 22 October 2014

Setting boundaries...

The past few day's have been emotional for my family,we attended Louie's brothers funeral on Monday, louie and I found the service in church very comforting. It was while we were in church that I realised that I need to reset my boundaries and be kind and considerate to myself and others in order to be able to recharge our batteries. Notice when I say "myself and others" I put myself first, this is because if you do not recharge your own battery first how can you help others?
My anxiety levels are still quite high in the mornings when I awake, I am giving myself time to have a cup of tea and focus gently on my plans for the day, now is not the time to set myself goals that are to big as this just adds chaos to an already unsettled mind.
Over the last couple of evenings I have looked through a couple of my favourite cookery books and chose some recipes I would like to make, so out came my pen and paper and thus i started my shopping list.
Autumn is such a lovely time to home bake with everything that's in season, it goes without saying that buying a  Pumpkin was at the top of the list!:)
Living in a quite village on the edge of town has so many positives but sometimes being at home all day the silence can be very difficult when I am feeling anxious and alone with my own thoughts while doing my chores, so I have to nurse myself sometimes. I light my scented candles, put the radio on low, I do not like daytime t.v, I even choose a nice smelling dish detergent so washing dishes and kitchen work tops becomes more enjoyable, these little acts is me setting boundaries and being kind to myself.
After all anxiety is just a thought, a somewhat uncomfortable thought at times but nevertheless with a little kindness and knowing our limits we can cope. I take a tablet daily (in the mornings) to help give me a little crutch to lean on, for a long time I resented this little white pill but I am now at a place of acceptance,is it forever? I don't know, I just know its for today.x

Friday, 17 October 2014

Living with anxiety and being tested...

I make no secret that for a number of years I live on a daily basis with anxiety, some days are better than other's. I have to keep myself very grounded and I do try to read daily something spiritual and Godly I do find this helpful.
Anxiety is not depression and I feel people do sometimes get the two conditions mixed up, for me the mornings are the most uncomfortable and I really need to know the night before my plans for the next day.
Life cannot always go to plan and there are times when we get tested beyond our belief.
One evening two weeks ago after we had been in bed an hour I heard the landline ring, its all a bit hazy now but it was a phone call to tell us louies eldest brother had taken his own life, I cannot tell you how numbing this feels especially as louies younger brother took his own life four years ago.
My anxiety levels are very high and some days I am taking the day hour by hour, I want to stay strong for my family, my two eldest girls are heavily pregnant and I try to keep a calm comforting atmosphere in our home.
I feel exhausted much of the time, I know this is due to how I am feeling, I seem to have lost my daily routine, my chores I like to do at home.
I am thankful that although we are finding this time in our lives difficult to understand we have no anger or judgement, our hearts are sad,but we know we must come to term with what is happening.
I do believe we learn the most lessons in trying times.
Please I ask for healing prayers for my family and others who are going through difficult times. x